Tuesday, January 31, 2012

A New Beginning

When I first decided to write this post, I thought about naming it "The End" or something else to that effect.  But then the song "Closing Time" by Semisonic popped into my head.  

"Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end."

Today marks a new beginning for us.  

When we turned in to bed last night around 9:00pm, I was feeling some sharp cramps in my abdomen.  I have been quite paranoid about every little thing throughout the last couple weeks, but rather than worry, I gave Baby L a little pat and said I would go through whatever pain it took to keep him/her safe. 

When I woke in the morning, I still had cramps but got up and ready for my normal routine.  I hit the ladies' room on my way to the shower and found a clear (well, bright red, actually) indication that something was wrong.  I went in the bedroom where Nate was sleeping and said, "Babe, I think I just lost it."

I tried to continue getting ready for the day, but found myself dizzy and nauseous and on the verge of passing out.  I stumbled back to bed and immediately called in sick to work.  I also called the on-call doctor who didn't sound too concerned.  "Stay in bed, elevate your feet, drink lots of water, and get into your doctor's office today for an ultrasound."

Having a couple hours to kill before the doctor's office opened, I googled every possible reason that I would be experiencing these symptoms at 8 weeks.  I found online bulletin boards on miscarriage, common blood clots, subchorionic hemorrhage, some even resulting in perfectly healthy babies.  I decided there was no sense in worrying and hoped for the best.

At 9:00am, Nate met me at the doctor's office where we were taken in for an ultrasound.  The second the picture appeared on the screen, it was clear that Baby L was nowhere to be found.  The ultrasound technician explained that the yolk sac had collapsed and the pregnancy was no longer viable.

It's been a weird day for emotions, varying from heavy tears to indifference and everywhere in between.

Breaking the news to our families was difficult, especially considering they'd only found out about Baby L 24 hours earlier.

While we're very sad to say goodbye to Baby L #1, we are hopeful and optimistic and can't wait to start trying for #2!  We have a few weeks to go before the miscarriage is complete, and a couple months before we can start trying again.  In the meantime, we are leaning on our faith and trust in God that He will bless us with a healthy bundle of joy when the time is right.

I have decided to continue this blog rather than put it to rest and start a new one.  It is called "Adventures in Babyland" after all, and this is just one of the less fun parts of the adventure.  Plus it's been therapeutic for me to be able to share this with the world...even though no one even knows it exists.    :-)

So here's to new beginnings.  I can't wait to share where this adventure takes us next!!  Stay tuned...

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