Waiting, waiting, waiting

The two-week wait before my pregnancy test was hard.  Fortunately, the First Responses and Clearblues made it a little more bearable because I didn't actually have to wait two weeks for the result.

Now, this one-week wait for my next ultrasound, well, it's been torture.  I don't have a home ultrasound machine, nor do I have the ability to test my hCG levels.  I have been going crazy.  I've somehow made it through 6 days, but it's been manic.  I've resorted back to Googling everything and I am not encouraged.  There are stories out there that turn into miracles, but those just aren't the kind of things that happen to me.  I keep thinking and hoping and praying they will, but a history of disappointment is all I have to go by.

I contemplated calling the doctor with some fake ailment -- cramping, bleeding, etc. -- just to see if I could get in sooner.  But I figured that might cause even more worry if I didn't see what I wanted and would once again have to wait.  (I know you think I'm crazy too at this point.  I probably am.  But then so is every other woman out there who doesn't know what the H-E-double-hockey-sticks is going on with her pregnancy.  Google it). 

So in less than 24 hours, I will HOPEFULLY have my answer.  I think I already know, but if there are miracles out there, I pray one finds me tomorrow!

And the verdict is...

Got the call from the nurse this evening.  She says my labs are "normal" (whatever that means).  I asked for my hCG numbers.  Based on the doubling-every-48-hours theory, I figured I should be somewhere around 6400.  Mine came in at a whopping 810. 

I'm feeling pretty disappointed and frustrated.  I'm not really sure what to think.  I am still within the "normal" range, but am now anxiously awaiting next week's results!

Dear Time, please go faster!  Sincerely, The Management

Patience and optimism

Just got back from the fertility doc's office for my first ultrasound.  I'd been feeling a little nervous and anxious, especially sitting in the waiting room for 45 minutes.  According to my calculations, I should be somewhere around 5 weeks, 6 days.

The ultrasound showed a gestational sac and where the implantation is taking place.  I was REALLY hoping for a heartbeat just to ease my mind a little bit, but, alas, there was no little blinker to be found.  Doc thinks I'm closer to about 5 weeks and it still may be too early for a heartbeat.  Will get a call this evening with my blood results (hopefully good ones!) and have another appointment scheduled for next week.

Fingers crossed that all is well!  In any case, here is a picture of our "baby."

Your discretion, please!

For those of you who are aware this blog exists, and may be checking in "just in case," I ask that you please use your discretion in sharing between now and October.  You see, we made the decision that this time around we would absolutely wait until the end of the first trimester to share our exciting news. 

Keeping this "journal" has provided therapeutic relief and thinking that someone out there may be reading it brings a sense of support and comfort. 

I'm happy that you're joining me on this journey and hope you'll help me keep my little secret safe for the next 8 weeks and 3 days (no that anyone's counting...)!

Sudden nerves

Aside from feeling like I can't get enough sleep and lack of desire for my normal food habits (fruit = zero appeal, but ice cream and brownies = can't get enough!), I've been feeling pretty normal.  Emotionally optimistic and not too concerned about the current absence of obvious pregnancy symptoms.  Occasionally I think I might feel nauseated for about a second, but nothing ever materializes.

Then this morning I got an email from my nurse that my first ultrasound will be in 2 days.  Suddenly, I feel nervous and unsure.  I know everything will be fine, and there is nothing to worry about, but there's always that little shadow of doubt in the back of my head.

I'm looking forward to some reassurance that everything is going well!  Hopes and prayers for rising hCGs and a visible heartbeat!  Keep an eye out for video on Thursday!

Week 5

My doctor has been out of town for the last week or so.  I am expecting a call from the nurse tomorrow to schedule our first ultrasound.  It might be too early to see a heartbeat, but hoping to get a good report on the gestational sac and confirmation that things are progressing well. 

I'm anxiously awaiting an onrush of pregnancy symptoms.  Last time around, I felt very "unpregnant."  No nausea, no fatigue.  I just really want to feel it this time!  I have been napping daily, which is very much out of character.  Also felt slight nausea after going to bed last night, but I'm chalking it up to a day full of junk food.  :-)

Time sure is crawling...

Little sacrifices

Tomorrow we leave for a weekend trip to the river with Brandon, Lindy, and their new boat. FUN, right?

WRONG! Call from the nurse today says no boating fun for me. Until week 10 (at least) no activities that may put pressure on my abdomen. The bouncing of the boat while speeding along is no bueno for my little embryo.

BUT...I will still be on vacation and intend to enjoy it fully in the comfort of our rental or out by the pool. Sad that I will likely be alone most of the time, but glad Nate will be able to get away and enjoy himself for a few days!

Thinking I might pick up that needlepoint I started in Africa 3 years ago. That will definitely provide hours of frustration...er, entertainment. :-D